Handling Disappointments in Marriage

Posted by Raymund Tamayo

4 This is what the Lord Almighty, the God of Israel, says to all those I carried into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon: 5 “Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce. 6 Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number there; do not decrease. 7 Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the Lord for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper. 11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29: 4-7, 11

Disappointments are inevitable in life. But what makes it more painful is when its reason is the one you love. Our spouses can and will disappoint us. Even more so because they are closest to us. It may spark uncertainty, it may shake our trust, and it may even make us wonder if we can rely on them at all.

It is good to realize that this is not an unusual thing. We are not alone, and every married person disappoints or becomes disappointed at their spouses at some point. Feelings of disappointment, hurt, anger, frustration, and confusion when it comes to our spouses are honest and normal. It doesn’t mean we love them less.

However, knowing this fact does not make things easier, right? So here are some guidelines from God’s Word how we can handle disappointments in marriage.

The solution: Practice a God-Centered Perspective.

1. Recognize God’s Sovereignty

We should realize whatever is happening in our marriage relationship, God is still in control. Nothing happens without God’s approval, if only to teach us a lesson, to make us seek Him, or even to accomplish His purpose in all His wisdom.

As followers of Christ, what we should do is surrender to God’s will and pray for our spouses. Because if they improve, if they prosper, we also improve and prosper.

Of course, cases of physical abuse or domestic violence is of a different matter.

2. Rest in God’s Plan

When we acknowledge God’s sovereignty, we trust Him, so we can sincerely rest in His plan. God’s Word says “wives submit to your husbands.” We should trust the Lord regarding this command that He knows what He is saying, even though it doesn’t make sense at first. The same with “husbands love your wives.” We should do this even though there are times the wives seem to be “unlovable”.

Resting in God’s plan is trusting Him.

3. Represent Jesus to the World

Even in marriage, we are still Christ’s ambassadors. We represent Him with the way we treat our spouses. Even when our spouses are also believers in Christ, we should always exemplify to them how it is to follow Jesus.

Marriage is Hard Work, But There Is Joy

Posted by Raymund Tamayo

“Even so, I have noticed one thing, at least, that is good. It is good for people to eat, drink, and enjoy their work under the sun during the short life God has given them, and to accept their lot in life. 19 And it is a good thing to receive wealth from God and the good health to enjoy it. To enjoy your work and accept your lot in life—this is indeed a gift from God. 20 God keeps such people so busy enjoying life that they take no time to brood over the past.” ECCLESIASTES 5:18-20

As in any other worthwhile endeavor, Marriage also requires hard work. Nothing beautiful comes easy. A happy and healthy marriage needs constant commitment, energy, and devotion on both the husband and the wife. The truth is, marriage is always a work in progress – it needs to be watered like a plant in order to grow and flourish.

Some challenges that a marriage brings to an individual are:

• Communication issues – lack of communication, inadequate listening skills (verbal and non-verbal), misunderstandings because of word usage, etc.
• Overstepping boundaries – wanting your spouse to be exactly like you, trying to “change” your spouse, not giving your spouse much-needed alone time or “me-time”, etc.
• Emotional or Sexual infidelity – one or both partners are being close to another person of the opposite sex (emotional), adultery, lack of sexual intimacy (emotionally distant from your partner)
• Money issues – differences in money mindset, how to handle money, etc.
• Selfishness and Jealousy – neglecting one spouse (lack of “give-and-take” relationship), nagging or controlling behavior, trust issues, etc.

These challenges take away joy in a marriage. But here are four learning from Ecclesiastes 5 to restore joy.

1. Be a Joy-Giver

Ecclesiastes 5 says that people should “eat, drink, and enjoy their work under the sun during the short life God has given them.” This means it is possible to have joy in marriage as we continue to put our trust in God (Psalm 34:8). 

As we trust in God, we can ask ourselves “How can I restore joy in my circumstance?” and “How can I give joy to my spouse and be a blessing?” Imagine if both partners decide that they would be the relationship’s joy-giver.

Finding another because of unhappiness is pointless. Because the reality is, if you are not happy where you are now and who you are with now, how can you be sure you’ll be happy where you want to go? Instead of looking for greener grass, make your grass greener!

2. Restore Joy with Gratitude

Ecclesiastes 5 also says people are “to accept their lot in life.” Are content with the “cards” we are dealt with? Are we content with our lot in life right now? Everyone is unique and we are given our own path to travel into.

There are many things we can be thankful for each day! But we also need to draw a clear line that there is a difference between contentment and complacency. Contentment is a spirit of gratefulness while complacency is a form of idleness.

We should be content with what we have, but not content with what we can become.

To be content with our lot in life is to be joyful even with our l imitations. Enjoy the boundaries of your limits and thrive where you are. Worldly wisdom says that there are no boundaries, and we can be whatever we want to be—that we can be and do what we set our hearts and mind to. 

There is danger in that because we all have our limitations. The biblical truth we can embrace is that we are all uniquely blessed with talents and giftings, and with that we can instead say “we can be what God wants us to be” (1 Corinthians 15:9-10).

3. Enjoy Marriage as God’s Gift

James 1:17 says every good and perfect gift comes from above (God). God blesses us with our spouse and marriage. This entails that as we enjoy our married life, we are to guard ourselves from making our spouse or marriage itself as an idol. 

We need to evaluate ourselves and be careful that maybe one of the reasons why we’re stressed is because we have put our spouse or our marriage on a pedestal, leading us to lead an imbalanced life.

Remember the song, “Would you be my number two”? It’s because God should be number one in our lives.

4. Press On!

Those who have found joy in their marriage are “so busy enjoying life that they take no time to brood over the past.”

Do you often find yourself comparing the quality of your relationship now to your previous relationships? If we are in God, it is possible to be joyful despite our circumstances. If we have joy, there is no room for regret because we can hold on to the promise that God can make all things new (Isaiah 43:18-19). 

The Bible tells us to stop dwelling on the past, instead press on to what God has before us today (Philippians 3:13-14). In pressing on, we must learn to follow the principle of “motion before emotion”. This means that we do the right things because they are the right things as God has told us, in order that the joy might follow. Your marriage will not provide you with joy until you find your joy in your marriage.

Spiritual Enemies

Posted by Raymund and Denielle Tamayo

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"For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places." - Ephesians 6:12

In a battle, it is imperative to identify your enemy. If you are not aware of the point of your attack, you are vulnerable.

The Certainty of God's Supply

Posted by Raymund and Denielle Tamayo

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"And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus." - Philippians 4:19

This verse is one of the most practical we will ever encounter in the Bible. Every one of us faces needs in our own lives; at times, they are beyond our own means.

Knowing Christ

Posted by Raymund and Denielle Tamayo

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"You search the Scriptures, for in them you think you have eternal life; and these are they which testify of Me. Buy you are not willing to come to Me that you may have life." - John 5:39-40

Bible study will not give you eternal life. You could memorize the entire Bible and be able to discuss minute issues of biblical scholarship and yet fail to experience the truths found in its pages.

The Risen Lord

Posted by Raymund and Denielle Tamayo

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His head and hair were white like wool, as white as snow, and His eyes were like a flame of fire; His feet were like fine brass, as if refined in a furnace, and His voice as the sound of many waters. - Revelation 1:14-15

At times it is tempting to conclude: "If only I could have walked with Jesus, as the twelve disciples did, it would be so much easier to live the Christian life!" This thought reveals that we do not comprehend the greatness of the risen Christ we serve today.

Praying After the High Points

Posted by Raymund and Denielle Tamayo

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And when He had sent them away, He departed to the mountain to pray. - Mark 6:46

What do you do after a spiritual victory? Where do you go after reaching a high point in your Christian life? Jesus went to pray. 

Fix Your Eyes on God

Posted by Raymund and Denielle Tamayo

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And Moses and Aaron gathered the assembly together before the rock; and he said to them, "Hear now, you rebels! Must we bring water for you out of this rock?" - Numbers 20:10

It is easy to see why Moses became frustrated with the Hebrew people. They were so hard-hearted and weak in their faith that Moses lost his patience and became angry with them. Yet every time Moses shifted his focus away from God, it cost him.

Blessed Be the Lord God Almighty

Posted by Raymund and Denielle Tamayo

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"Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise; His greatness no one can fathom. One generation will commend Your works to another; they will tell of Your mighty acts. They will speak of the glorious splendor of Your majesty, and I will meditate on Your wonderful works." - Psalm 145:3-5

"How we love You, Father in heaven. How we praise You for all Your mighty works." We sing the words, but how often do we truly think of God's mighty works on our behalf? Do our friends and family know what God has done for us? When was the last time we declared His mighty works?

Built On a Rock

Posted by Raymund and Denielle Tamayo

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"Therefore whoever hears these sayings of Mine, and does them, I will liken him to a wise man who built his house on the rock." - Matthew 7:24''

The Christian life is hard work. Christianity involves systematically striving to implement the truth of God's Word into your life. Spiritual depth and maturity do not come without consistent effort.

A Heart That Loves God

Posted by Raymund and Denielle Tamayo

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"For I desire mercy and not sacrifice, and the knowledge of God more than burnt offerings." - Hosea 6:6

No amount of activity for God will ever take the place of a heart that is right with Him. Through the ages, God's people have been persuaded that they could please Him through their service and their offerings, regardless of their heart condition.

Peace and Faith

Raymund and Denielle's Note: This is a re-post from www.powertochange.com. We hope you find as much blessing and encouragement with it as we did.

Photo source: coreyturner.me

“Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” – Proverbs 4:23

Walking in peace, with your heart calm even when your life is not, is one of the wonderful benefits of the Christian life. God reminds us to pay attention to what is going on within our hearts and to make some intentional choices.

God can Change Everything in a Moment

Posted by Raymund and Denielle Tamayo

Photo source: dailychristiangh.com

In the Bible in John 2, Jesus is at the wedding celebration of some friends when the party runs out of wine.

Instead of wedding joy and bliss, this setback could have ruined the feast and damaged relationships. And as you know, you can’t make new wine fast. It takes time… a long time.

Integrity Upheld

Posted by Raymund and Denielle Tamayo

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“As for me, You uphold me in my integrity, And set me before Your face forever.” - Psalm 41:12

Joseph was a righteous man who had cultivated a reputation for godliness in his community. Then word spread across the community that Mary, the woman to whom he was engaged, was expecting a child. There would be many who would assume the worst of this apparently scandalous situation. Joseph probably experienced gossip from some, ostracism from others. Yet he was a man of integrity, aware that God knew the truth of his relationship with Mary.

Peace and Joy in God’s Presence

Posted by Raymund and Denielle Tamayo

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“You will show me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” – Psalm 16:11

When we worship God, everything is put into perspective. Of course, it is never easy – there is always a potential problem hovering everywhere.

However, if we let ourselves focus for too long on the frustrations, problems, fears, and worries, we soon would feel overwhelmed and anxious.

Life is Senseless, Meaningless if...

Posted by Raymund Tamayo

Photo source: www.thelastbrokenhome.com

“Vanity of vanities, says the Preacher, vanity of vanities, all is vanity.” – Ecclesiastes 1:2

“In this world there are only two tragedies,” said Oscar Wilde. “One is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.” This paradoxical proverb has often proved true.

What Drives You Everyday?

Posted by Raymund Tamayo

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“Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you.” – Psalm 73:25

Most Christians would say that they do everything as an act of worship to God. The Bible actually said that as followers of Christ we should eat, drink, and do everything else for God's glory. 

However, the question is how is our hearts when we do it? Is that what we are truly doing? What drives or motivates us daily with our activities?

Training in Spiritual Discipline

Posted by Raymund Tamayo

Photo source: www.idisciple.org

“But refuse profane and old wives tales, and exercise yourself rather unto godliness. For bodily exercise profits for a little while: but godliness is profitable unto all things, having promise of the life that now is, and of that which is to come.” – 1 Timothy 4:7-8

Excelling in any sport means spending hours and hours in training. It doesn't matter whether you are an athlete, musician, or anyone who is trying to be great at something. 

No one achieves excellence in any field without tremendous self-discipline, hours of rigorous training, and a willingness to suffer great hardship in order to achieve the goals one has set for himself.

Focusing on Christ Drives Away Self-Pity

Posted by Raymund Tamayo

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Self-pity (a self-indulgent dwelling on your own sorrows or misfortunes) is harmful, but it is a choice. Le it go and move on. Don't trust your happiness in the companionship of other people but in Christ alone.

The Blessing of Excellence at Work

Posted by Raymund Tamayo

Photo source: preacher4truth.blogspot.com

While God requires us to work, at the same time, He leads others to pay us a fair wage for the work we do. We find a marvelous example of good compensation for excellence at work in the life of Joseph, the eleventh son of Jacob.