Handling Disappointments in Marriage

Posted by Raymund Tamayo

4 This is what the Lord Almighty, the God of Israel, says to all those I carried into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon: 5 “Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce. 6 Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number there; do not decrease. 7 Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the Lord for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper. 11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29: 4-7, 11

Disappointments are inevitable in life. But what makes it more painful is when its reason is the one you love. Our spouses can and will disappoint us. Even more so because they are closest to us. It may spark uncertainty, it may shake our trust, and it may even make us wonder if we can rely on them at all.

It is good to realize that this is not an unusual thing. We are not alone, and every married person disappoints or becomes disappointed at their spouses at some point. Feelings of disappointment, hurt, anger, frustration, and confusion when it comes to our spouses are honest and normal. It doesn’t mean we love them less.

However, knowing this fact does not make things easier, right? So here are some guidelines from God’s Word how we can handle disappointments in marriage.

The solution: Practice a God-Centered Perspective.

1. Recognize God’s Sovereignty

We should realize whatever is happening in our marriage relationship, God is still in control. Nothing happens without God’s approval, if only to teach us a lesson, to make us seek Him, or even to accomplish His purpose in all His wisdom.

As followers of Christ, what we should do is surrender to God’s will and pray for our spouses. Because if they improve, if they prosper, we also improve and prosper.

Of course, cases of physical abuse or domestic violence is of a different matter.

2. Rest in God’s Plan

When we acknowledge God’s sovereignty, we trust Him, so we can sincerely rest in His plan. God’s Word says “wives submit to your husbands.” We should trust the Lord regarding this command that He knows what He is saying, even though it doesn’t make sense at first. The same with “husbands love your wives.” We should do this even though there are times the wives seem to be “unlovable”.

Resting in God’s plan is trusting Him.

3. Represent Jesus to the World

Even in marriage, we are still Christ’s ambassadors. We represent Him with the way we treat our spouses. Even when our spouses are also believers in Christ, we should always exemplify to them how it is to follow Jesus.

Marriage is Hard Work, But There Is Joy

Posted by Raymund Tamayo

“Even so, I have noticed one thing, at least, that is good. It is good for people to eat, drink, and enjoy their work under the sun during the short life God has given them, and to accept their lot in life. 19 And it is a good thing to receive wealth from God and the good health to enjoy it. To enjoy your work and accept your lot in life—this is indeed a gift from God. 20 God keeps such people so busy enjoying life that they take no time to brood over the past.” ECCLESIASTES 5:18-20

As in any other worthwhile endeavor, Marriage also requires hard work. Nothing beautiful comes easy. A happy and healthy marriage needs constant commitment, energy, and devotion on both the husband and the wife. The truth is, marriage is always a work in progress – it needs to be watered like a plant in order to grow and flourish.

Some challenges that a marriage brings to an individual are:

• Communication issues – lack of communication, inadequate listening skills (verbal and non-verbal), misunderstandings because of word usage, etc.
• Overstepping boundaries – wanting your spouse to be exactly like you, trying to “change” your spouse, not giving your spouse much-needed alone time or “me-time”, etc.
• Emotional or Sexual infidelity – one or both partners are being close to another person of the opposite sex (emotional), adultery, lack of sexual intimacy (emotionally distant from your partner)
• Money issues – differences in money mindset, how to handle money, etc.
• Selfishness and Jealousy – neglecting one spouse (lack of “give-and-take” relationship), nagging or controlling behavior, trust issues, etc.

These challenges take away joy in a marriage. But here are four learning from Ecclesiastes 5 to restore joy.

1. Be a Joy-Giver

Ecclesiastes 5 says that people should “eat, drink, and enjoy their work under the sun during the short life God has given them.” This means it is possible to have joy in marriage as we continue to put our trust in God (Psalm 34:8). 

As we trust in God, we can ask ourselves “How can I restore joy in my circumstance?” and “How can I give joy to my spouse and be a blessing?” Imagine if both partners decide that they would be the relationship’s joy-giver.

Finding another because of unhappiness is pointless. Because the reality is, if you are not happy where you are now and who you are with now, how can you be sure you’ll be happy where you want to go? Instead of looking for greener grass, make your grass greener!

2. Restore Joy with Gratitude

Ecclesiastes 5 also says people are “to accept their lot in life.” Are content with the “cards” we are dealt with? Are we content with our lot in life right now? Everyone is unique and we are given our own path to travel into.

There are many things we can be thankful for each day! But we also need to draw a clear line that there is a difference between contentment and complacency. Contentment is a spirit of gratefulness while complacency is a form of idleness.

We should be content with what we have, but not content with what we can become.

To be content with our lot in life is to be joyful even with our l imitations. Enjoy the boundaries of your limits and thrive where you are. Worldly wisdom says that there are no boundaries, and we can be whatever we want to be—that we can be and do what we set our hearts and mind to. 

There is danger in that because we all have our limitations. The biblical truth we can embrace is that we are all uniquely blessed with talents and giftings, and with that we can instead say “we can be what God wants us to be” (1 Corinthians 15:9-10).

3. Enjoy Marriage as God’s Gift

James 1:17 says every good and perfect gift comes from above (God). God blesses us with our spouse and marriage. This entails that as we enjoy our married life, we are to guard ourselves from making our spouse or marriage itself as an idol. 

We need to evaluate ourselves and be careful that maybe one of the reasons why we’re stressed is because we have put our spouse or our marriage on a pedestal, leading us to lead an imbalanced life.

Remember the song, “Would you be my number two”? It’s because God should be number one in our lives.

4. Press On!

Those who have found joy in their marriage are “so busy enjoying life that they take no time to brood over the past.”

Do you often find yourself comparing the quality of your relationship now to your previous relationships? If we are in God, it is possible to be joyful despite our circumstances. If we have joy, there is no room for regret because we can hold on to the promise that God can make all things new (Isaiah 43:18-19). 

The Bible tells us to stop dwelling on the past, instead press on to what God has before us today (Philippians 3:13-14). In pressing on, we must learn to follow the principle of “motion before emotion”. This means that we do the right things because they are the right things as God has told us, in order that the joy might follow. Your marriage will not provide you with joy until you find your joy in your marriage.

Blessed Be the Lord God Almighty

Posted by Raymund and Denielle Tamayo

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"Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise; His greatness no one can fathom. One generation will commend Your works to another; they will tell of Your mighty acts. They will speak of the glorious splendor of Your majesty, and I will meditate on Your wonderful works." - Psalm 145:3-5

"How we love You, Father in heaven. How we praise You for all Your mighty works." We sing the words, but how often do we truly think of God's mighty works on our behalf? Do our friends and family know what God has done for us? When was the last time we declared His mighty works?

Peace and Joy in God’s Presence

Posted by Raymund and Denielle Tamayo

Photo source: www.bestofpicture.com

“You will show me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” – Psalm 16:11

When we worship God, everything is put into perspective. Of course, it is never easy – there is always a potential problem hovering everywhere.

However, if we let ourselves focus for too long on the frustrations, problems, fears, and worries, we soon would feel overwhelmed and anxious.

Life is Senseless, Meaningless if...

Posted by Raymund Tamayo

Photo source: www.thelastbrokenhome.com

“Vanity of vanities, says the Preacher, vanity of vanities, all is vanity.” – Ecclesiastes 1:2

“In this world there are only two tragedies,” said Oscar Wilde. “One is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.” This paradoxical proverb has often proved true.

This is the day: Be Excellent at Work!

Posted by Raymund Tamayo

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“This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.” – Psalm 118:24

Monday mornings are usually the hardest mornings to wake up to. The thought of having to go to work tends to bring anyone down. Most of us wanted to spend time with family than go to work – but we work to provide for our family, the mind argues with itself.

Create in Me a Clean Heart

Posted by Raymund Tamayo

Photo source: revivenations.org

“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” – Psalm 51:10

We often think of our heart as our “love” organ, where in fact it is our “life” line. It is the organ which works to make blood flow within our veins, keeping us alive physically. The blood that keeps our body alive in the flesh flows through our veins, and as Christians, the royal blood of our master, Jesus, also flows through our innermost being, giving us eternal life and a changed life.

7 Signs that You Are in a Wrong Relationship

Post written by Raymund and Denielle Tamayo

Photo source: www.lovepanky.com

In this post, we have compiled 7 signs to recognize that you are in a "wrong" relationship. It applies to both married and unmarried couples, but the applications from each would be quite different from one another.

We believe that marriage is a lasting covenant done with God and so recognizing that a marriage relationship is wrong should not end up in divorce or separation from our perspective, but it should be worked out by both partners, of course, with the help of God.

However, if you are still unmarried, then there is a lot to think about these 7 signs of a wrong relationship.  

Growing To Become the Husband God Wants You To Be (Part 2)

Post written by Raymund Tamayo

Writer's note: This is the continuation of my previous blog post, "Growing To Become the Husband God Wants You To Be (Part 1)" aimed to share some basic biblical knowledge to my fellow young husbands and/or husbands to be.

Photo source: www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com

According to the Bible, God has at least three purposes for marriage:

You Cannot Have a Positive Life with a Negative Mind

Post written by Raymund and Denielle Tamayo

Photo credit: thecoggintoboggan.com

The human mind is more powerful than we can imagine. Our thoughts influence our beliefs, feelings and actions more than we know.

They rule what we are; in fact, we are what we think.

When thoughts are positive, life becomes hopeful.

When thoughts are negative, life becomes depressing.

Ergo, you cannot have a positive life with a negative mind. The two just can’t go together.

How to Handle a Needy Person

Post written by Raymund Tamayo

Note: This is a series of posts on How to Handle Difficult People. These articles will guide you on how to interact with a difficult person without severing your relationship with them.

Photo credit: f3y.com

Living with a needy person is really quite a challenge. 

"The Leech" always wants your time and attention and always needs your perpetual assurance to be happy and contented. 

It is annoying, frustrating, and exhausting spending time with dependent people, and the best way to handle them is to stop being around them. 

Assuming that the difficult person is close to you and you can’t simply avoid, here are some practical tips to help you maintain your own emotional wellbeing when you have a needy loved one.

How to Handle a Person Full of Negativity

Post written by Raymund Tamayo

Note: This is a series of posts on How to Handle Difficult People. These articles will guide you on how to interact with a difficult person without severing your relationship with them.

Photo credit: projectlifemastery.com

Being with a negative person is extremely difficult. 

He constantly complains about everything in his life.

He is fearful and always presumes that nothing good is ever going to happen. 

Even if you talk for only a few minutes, you can be affected by his negativity.

You can always avoid people like these. But if you can’t, here are some ways on how to handle them.

How to Handle a Bossy Person

Post written by Raymund Tamayo

Note: This is a series of posts on How to Handle Difficult People. These articles will guide you on how to interact with a difficult person without severing your relationship with them.

Photo credit: www.expertbusinessadvice.com

Hanging out with bossy people will definitely make you feel miserable. The catch here is they can affect you if only you let them. 

It is one thing to spend time with a manipulative person and another thing to let her control you. Most people are not aware that they are domineering and controlling and, more often than not, they will get hurt if you tell them. 

There are many ways to deal with a bossy person and here are some things that you can try.

How to Stay Active

Post written by Raymund and Denielle Tamayo

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Regular exercise can make us feel happier. It doesn’t only make our bodies fit, but it can also refresh our tired minds and souls.

Medical studies suggest that exercise can actually help relieve stress as it causes the natural release of feel-good endorphins in the brain to give us a more positive attitude.

Blessings Are Not Always Material Things

Post written by Raymund Tamayo

Blessings aren’t always material things. Most of the time, these things can actually be a burden and a liability.

Blessings are also having good health and wholesome relationships, doing work that you love, experiencing personal and spiritual growth, and serving in a community that brings out the best in you.

Your latest gadget means nothing if your family is in disarray or your lungs and kidneys are deteriorating because of your bad habits.

But for me, blessings are anything that gets you closer to God. Even problems can be blessings if they give you the opportunity to have a deeper relationship with Him.

Happiness is Internal

Post written by Raymund Tamayo

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Happiness is not a product of luck or coincidence. Being happy is intentional.

Everything that happens to you in life is the result of all the choices you make.

You may argue that sometimes, in some situations, you just don’t have a choice. But, oh yes, you did! You just chose not to choose.

Morning Praises: This is the Day

Posted by Raymund and Denielle Tamayo

"The Lord has done this, and it is amazing to us. This day belongs to the Lord! Let's celebrate and be glad today. We'll ask the Lord to save us! We'll sincerely ask the Lord to let us win." - Psalm 118:23-25, CEV

This day is a gift from God! Let us not waste it with regrets of the past or worries of the future. 

Living in the Present

Post written by Raymund Tamayo

Photo credit: agrittyglory.wordpress.com

“What is the best thing to do in the short life that God has given us? I think we should enjoy eating, drinking, and working hard. This is what God intends for us to do. Suppose you are very rich and able to enjoy everything you own. Then go ahead and enjoy working hard—this is God’s gift to you. God will keep you so happy that you won’t have time to worry about each day.” – Ecclesiastes 5:18-20, CEV

Isn’t it wonderful how God wants to keep us happy and away from sin?

Most of the pessimism that people experience in life is because of regrets and worries.

5 Ways to be the husband God wants you to be

Post written by Raymund Tamayo

Photo source: rowenafsantiago.blogspot.com

Marriage is a serious issue, especially for a Christian believer.

The Bible is not silent on the many ways that God wants a husband to develop into, and we should strive to become the head of the family that brings glory to His name.

As husbands, God wants us to lead our family in all areas: spiritually, physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, and socially. He wants us to love our wives unconditionally, as much as Christ loved the church. He wants us to serve our wives as Christ served the church.

What is NOT Happiness

Post written by Raymund Tamayo

Photo source: www.truewoman.com

Since time immemorial, people have been drawn into the pursuit of happiness.

Everyone craves for it. Men and women, young and old, rich and poor, no one will say that they do not want to be happy.